How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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