I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
