i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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