This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
