i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
