I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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