so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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