Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
