my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
