he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
