I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
