Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
