New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
