I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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