i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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