if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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