To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
