You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
