I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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