I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
