Welp...herpes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
