I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
