Kiss
Puke
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
