meet me or not, i'm out of control
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
