I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
