Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
