new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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