I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
