if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
