So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
