put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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