i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
