All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
