I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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