I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
