it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
