I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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