I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
