My nipple is on Facebook.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
