Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
