I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
