god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
