He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
