Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
