Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
