I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
