Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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