Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
