I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
