One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want her autograph on my taint
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
