I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
