My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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