If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
