i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I want is dick and wine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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