i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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