I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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